The unfortunate illusion that we are our body and mind places all of us in a box where we deny our essence, and condemned ourselves to a limited existence without knowing it. The limitations of the box we are condemned to, it is an analogy for the social conditioning we all undergo. The social conditioning itself does not condemn us to a limited existence, when we think we are the social conditioning is when we are limited; we lose our purpose and we become a thinking, doing machine, but we do not know why we are thinking or why we are doing. One day, from so much thinking and doing we feel so empty within ourselves and we do not understand why.

We might become ill, and we feel like victims or we become angry. Through the social conditioning we become part of the madness of this world. The emotional balance that is within us because we are spiritual beings is dismissed by our physicality and the pretense of the norm takes over. We deny our spirit through disconnecting from it and we begin the illusion of the social programming. The madness begins.

Fortunately when this illusion is discovered, it becomes the opportunity to experience a rebirth and get out of the box. We experience the rebirth of our true self and regain the power to be who we really are.  The purpose of this short narrative is to provide the information, for anyone to begin the reconnection process or reinforce if it already begun. So you can find the key to your emotional balance. For me it was like a rebirth, it can be the same for you or through your own interpretation and integration of all you are.  As soon as you discover who you are, have been, and always will be, your life purpose will unfold before you. The madness ends. The joy begins.


Why is this beautiful lady showing so much flesh and cleavage, and why is this handsome gentleman wearing a bow tie, shirt, vest and a jacket? Is she conveying physical freedom and he physical suppression? It seems as she had dressed for summer time and he dressed for the winter. However, they are together, so logically they are experiencing the same season. We can say, well, this is the way it is. She is wearing what is customary for female formal attire and so is he for the male version. Is there any connotation about this normative and customary attire? The gentleman appears distinguish and elegant, the lady appears simply elegant but promoting her flesh by showing the most she can without appearing beyond the norm, although we have seen much more flesh revealed in other formal wear or simply female attire. Why is this?

The norm is so powerful but its foundation is not really to our benefit, is it? What is the reason to wear an object that restraints your neck and a long sleeve shirt, vest and a jacket at any time and why women wear just the opposite, apparently, no restraints? Whenever I bring up this matter, most people are at awe and do not know or don’t care. It is widely and worldly accepted. It could be said that so what, but this attire is not natural to humans; this attire is a social construct with deep rooted reasoning and controlling mechanisms.  Simply defined, the point is men are in charge and women are sexual objects. We all know it consciously but it is so ingrained in our subconscious we ignore the depth of it and we collectively perpetuate the absurd social construct.

With all the progress men and women have made in the last one hundred years in developing gender equality, this formal attire remains a tremendous symbol of male dominance and female submission. Of course, there are twists to the basic construct. Some women turn the submission connotation into a powerful tool to dominate men based on their sexuality and dominate them for their own purpose; even though when men are converted into sexual puppets still appear in power publically. This happens in all levels in the social and political public arena as well as in an ordinary home.

This is just one example of all the twists and unbalanced consequences derived from such accepted normative attire. The sexual objectification of women still prevails so deeply, but we ignore it collectively. Most women are totally enfolded at an unconscious level being sexual objects, which has nothing to do with their sexuality or equality. It is a powerful social construct, just take a look at any formal affair, women are not just depicting their sexual objectification but are decorative ornaments and men remain thinking that they are in control by continuing to appear constrained, restrained and respectful. All of us remain somewhat brain washed with bias and controlling mechanisms that perpetuate the human chaos in which we live.

There is no denial about how much we have evolved from many of the social constructs, take a look, the couple in formal attire represents and interracial union and there are many others that we have evolved out of collectively but my point is just to be aware that some basic constructs remain and they are not conducive of a healthy life style. Based on these remaining constructs when men become older either still feeling dominant and powerful or with no one to dominate and no power develop some type of illness, and when women pass a certain age their submission and/or sexual objectification is done develop some type of illness as well, as a minimum undergo a period of depression.

The key to release the remaining social construct is awareness, being conscious of the constructs allows one to make decisions, when we are unconscious and have no personal empowerment we are destroying ourselves gradually but surely. Without awareness we cannot balance our own inner nature to place the social constructs where they need to be. Ideally, we can use the normative constructs to our benefit and balance them out, knowing that we are the awareness that manages the constructs and not the other way around.


It is another holiday, this one in particular celebrates motherhood, whether we like our mothers or not, today we pretend we do. If she was a good, bad or mediocre mom, today, it makes no difference. All is put aside and mothers are praised as wonderful human beings. This is what we do; this is the heart of the chaotic and dysfunctional society in which we live. For the most part, it is not realized, placing reality aside and celebrate through the physical senses, it is so short term. At times it does not even last the entire day, because many celebrations end up in an argument and the loving day is over before it gets dark, although this would be the bridge to go back to the normal distanced relationship the following day.

Mothers, whom never stop being mothers, cannot be treated as wonderful human beings. To begin with, based in the romantic social conditioning about motherhood, no woman understands the reality of becoming a mother until they become one. As we all know, motherhood for little girls is depicted as a loving, idealistic part of womanhood. They play with dolls, they play family and they always live happily ever after. When reality hits in, there is post-partum depression, no sleep, and fear takes over. They had no idea of the reality of motherhood. Fear translates into anger and it results in quite a few irrational and angry mothers. It is totally understood but ignoring it does not help anyone, on the contrary the outcome is quite a few angry children. Mother’s day should be about the realization of the duality involved in motherhood, all mothers one way or another have gone to hell and back, some stay in hell. They never learn any better.

In my experience and I have worked with a lot mothers, the ones that cease believing the motherhood  mythology, are the ones that acknowledge the reality of having children and how clueless they were. They recognize the consequences of being completely ignorant about the physical, mental and emotional strength needed to be just a human mother able to balance herself and provide the same for the children. Usually, this is not done during the growing up years, doing it when children are adults it is better than not doing it at all.

There is no reality school for mothers – or fathers for that matter. Motherhood becomes a series of emotional ups and downs, where women wish they could do their best to provide what their children need, but there is no real centered foundation, all there is, what they experienced as children themselves, one way or another they repeat their own upbringing, even when they do the opposite, they still reacting in bringing up their children through the same social conditioning patterns. The imbalance is perpetuated and the angry relationship stays throughout adulthood, because mothers continue to be and do what they had no clue how to do from the beginning.

I am fortunate because my mother has been one of those having recognized how clueless she was throughout all the years of her role as a mother. She did the opposite as her mother, but she just went to the other extreme. The imbalance was there just as it was for everyone else. In my case, the circumstances of coming to this world were highly traumatic at no fault of my mother, but she gave birth and there I was. Two years later, my brother arrived, she did her best through the struggles and lack of knowledge, she did her best but made a lot mistakes in our upbringing, father was no help, although a good provider. Then, when I was 11, another brother, more socially organized but the arrival was just as chaotic, twins, one died. When I was 15, there was another brother, the accident child.

I was sort of a visionary son, I had a sense of awareness early in life that backfired in society, I was aware of how people wore egoic masks and all negative was suppressed or hidden and since this would take place, the positive was exaggerated and made up; therefore, false. I managed to get along with my mother and even though she had unrealistic expectations, I was able to be there for her and in her imbalanced manner she was there for me. In one end, I could say my life was great, though one sided, not real, the other side was hell, the one that we learn to suppress, so we can pretend that we are the social conditioning. I believe within the fire of my hell, there was a light, and at 17 left my native country, mother was against it.

Prior to leaving Peru, I was the pseudo psychologist for my mother and all my female relatives; the men thought psychology was for women or crazy people. Twenty some years later I went back and recaptured the relationship with my mother, she began the process of clearing out the mythology of being a mother and a woman as well as the psychological chains ingrained in her mind by the normative social conditioning. It has been a long road and it is an ongoing process but she has become a human being so we treat each other as such, acceptance, respect and independence is our foundation; if this is not love what is?

I am blessed, we have a balanced relationship in the now with no expectations. I do not have to take her out to eat today and experience all the frenzy about a celebration that most offspring would do with good intentions but they are just going through the motions, neither good, nor bad. It is highly common that mothers are not known as humans by their sons and daughters. They are seen just as mothers, so the ups and downs never cease. It has changed in recent years to some extent but many women did not know what they are unless they were mothers. This is not a healthy status, as it can be seen all around. Being human beings has been the purpose of the female psyche evolvement.

This is my experience and I share what I have seen in other families as I do psychological work with them. Motherhood needs to be redefined realistically, to date one way or other mothers are at the core of all psychological issues. No blame, just a matter of fact. By the way, I recommend watching the series Bates Motel, there is a smothering possessive mother for you.


It has been said that competition is tough in today’s job market. Why is that some people are affected and others not? Some individuals manage to stay in the midst of whatever is going on and do well; some even enhance their positions in the so called tough market. For these individuals, competition is secondary, what is highly relevant is their attitude, self-concept and how they perceive any situation they experience. These individuals at some point in their lives transformed themselves into believing no matter what they will be able to stay on the upswing of things. This translates into the ability to accept what appears to be negative or positive into a centered perception to make the most beneficial choice.

We know from experience that complaining, blaming, not taking responsibility among others do not pay off, but we know this if we have been somehow transformed into being aware of it, if not we feel like victims. If we do not have a job, it is everybody else’s fault. We do not have a clue that it is our responsibility. With awareness, even not having a job can be a blessing in disguise, but for this we must have self-awareness. The job market as well as competition becomes irrelevant when we become aware and take responsibility for our lives in every way. Unfortunately, most people out there place expectations outside themselves and hope for the best, when in fact instead of hope we should have trust in ourselves and “do” our best.

The ability to be aware and accept the duality in which we live is the transformation that allows us to make a decision that ignites wellness all around. This process is the purpose of Transformational Awareness, TrA. This purpose is to develop self-awareness, mental and physical alertness to be able to manage and balance one’s thoughts, emotions, feelings and behaviors. During this process individuals recognize their psychological make-up and blockages caused by hidden fears and over all negative self-belief and misconceptions. Self-awareness is elemental as a way to compete in today’s market. It allows individuals to enhance their communication and interviewing skills and leadership development.

TrA begins recognizing that our mind is an instrument of our awareness; therefore, we manage our thoughts and not the other way around. Once we sense awareness of what we are, self-acceptance unfolds as well. Through self-acceptance, we accept what we categorize negative and positive about us. Once we accept all there is about us, we can assess changes that are desired. Knowledge follows-up acceptance, if we want to make changes, we must learn and develop understandings how to do it. Knowledge allows us to open and understand what blocks our flow so we can balance the duality in which we live. For the most part we have been pretending that we are positive individuals and denying the negative, which does not allow us to be balanced and have the life we want.

By accepting and having the knowledge we can develop the necessary tools and activities to dissolve these blockages and be able to manage and balance our thoughts. In the process of developing self-awareness, acceptance, knowledge and applying new tools, developing new habits and attitudes, we learn how to communicate effectively. We will realize the importance of listening. Active listening is a major tool to enhance once communication. As our ability to active listening increases, our communication and interviewing skills strengthen and we become more confident. Enhancing our ability to communicate and interviewing will make us better leaders, where instead of utilizing people for our agenda, we share a common cause and we assure the development of those who we lead.

Communication and interviewing skills are essential for the job market. Imagine yourself applying for a position or for advancement in complete balance, not focus on the outcome but the actual experience, trusting that you have done your best up to the point of your interview. You have prepared yourself accordingly and assessed facts to solidify your confidence and ability to communicate, you verbalized your answers and listen to your interviewer actively, you aware and in the moment, you are doing your best. Since you are in the moment and aware your presence and matter of fact demeanor conveys you leadership qualities and at the same time highly respectful of your interviewer. The outcome was not relevant.

 Through this process your chances of receiving the position or the advancement have been increased up to 90% instead of the 50/50 most people talk about, where luck and chances are taking into consideration. The 10%, not receiving the opportunity, can be transformed into 100% learning experience.  In reality most people are so unaware and focused into the outcome that whether they are given the opportunity or not, they stay out of balance, if they outcome is negative what a downer and if it is a positive what an upper. Staying in balance and in the present time is the key to awareness.

Transforming yourself to become self-aware is a win-win situation, in which all is beneficial. Actual competition is deterred and self-confidence takes place; we become empower to do our best without focusing on the outcome.


The concept of being positive has been around for a long, long time. Hasn’t it? Haven’t you thought at any time, if this concept has been around for so long, why negativity is so prevalent? You are aware that the world is much more negative than positive and the positive only keep us from drowning but we really never collectively reach the point of what positive thinking and being positive is all about. Do we?

What if you understood that there is a very obvious reason that negativity exists. If you really contemplate the subject, you really are aware of why; however, because you have learned to be unaware you tend to ignore it, avoid it and suppress it. There is negativity within you? I trust you recognize at some level even if your negativity stays deeply suppressed that there is negativity within you. Even though we learned to be unaware of our own negativity and to suppress it, at some level we know our negative traits. Of course most of us do not recognize the negativity within us; most definitely we have a very difficult time accepting and acknowledging any negative traits. Do you agree? There is nothing wrong or right with avoiding our negative traits, there are only consequences.

This is an individual fact as well as a collective one. We concentrate so much on being positive that I think many times when it bites us in the butt we do not see it because we resist the negativity that just exploded and kicked us in the behind. We quickly deny it, ignore it, suppress it, oppress it, whatever it takes to put a lid on it and go back to being positive until the next time that so much positivism bites us again because the negativity is there growing and getting bigger for the next kick in the behind.

Even when you are bitten in the behind from being positive, you do not see it, you do not face up to it and you just justify it and move on to the next positive quest. If positive rules why there is so much negativity in the world at large in the world around us. The negativity is so clear, yet, we deny it. Let me say, denying is not positive at all. We are not aware that we are denying it; we are too positive to realize it. In reviewing this concept, if so many people have been influenced by the positivism fever of the last thirty (30) years, why is that negativity prevails? And what is worse, the roots of negativity are promoted and celebrated every day in our faces.

If this does not make sense to you, you must stop reading and eagerly go back to being positive and just wait until your positive energy takes another bite because you ignore the negative within you. The world, whether we like it or not is a reflection of ourselves and the other way around, well maybe we do not personally kill anyone but we support others that do kill. We make specifics when is cool to kill and when is not. This is neither good nor bad, it is just what it is, a fact.  You see, if we were positive for real we could not kill period, we cannot kill for loving our country; we have to kill because we hate others. Wars are facts, are they positive?

What about when you personally fall in love and then your fall out of it, and the person you thought at one time was the best person you have met, and that you loved immensely, you ended up feeling hate for the same person. What is this falling in and out of love business? How is it possible to love and then not love the same person? For some of you just pointing out the obvious is negative. If we are so positive, where do fear, depression, anger, judgment and selfishness come from? Aren’t these negative attitudes and personality traits that we all have and execute at one time or another, actually for some people these negative feelings are a way of life, but of course enfolded in some kind of benevolent reasoning.  If you are interested in balancing out your negatives and positives go to


I have been familiar with the concept of abundance, health and joy and what it means globally but more importantly what it means to me personally. I have been aware of other interpretations part of the global perspective and even though I could relate to some of them, I thought that perhaps I have chosen the version that mostly made me feel the best at the present time but was it practical? In other words I doubted myself. I definitely practice the ongoing process of living simply with the abundance, health and joy that I share with the universe, accepting what is and making the best out of it, my doubt was incongruent with my life style. I had thought that out there all is about money, so perhaps I am missing the point in my own concept of abundance and living simply. What I do not doubt for one minute is that my living simply allows me to feel joy, even when I have a tendency in some instances to resist a particular experience. It is an ongoing process as it is to live in the present aware and alert. So, I felt, here there is an opportunity to grow, from my initial doubt, it seemed I had developed a contradiction about living simply and what abundance really means. I had no doubts about health and joy.

“When in doubt, do nothing, wait;

there will be a resolution before you know it.”

I have learned that when in doubt, do nothing, wait; there will be a resolution before you know it. Well, there it was, in my re-reading of books that I have read in the past, I started reading “The Presence Process,” by Michael Brown, the resolution to my contradiction happened. Through the reading, my interpretation and the global as well as the personal perspective the author shares, I realized that my doubt started with being influenced by the current times and what abundance meant for me in the past, unconsciously denied at times, it really was about money, and the global perspective I learned, also denied collectively to some extent, was about material possessions. So much information tells you to change this and that to attract what you want, place a picture of your favorite car on your refrigerator and so on and so forth. This general perspective had lost meaning because I got what I wanted and I realized that the time frame of enjoyment with any material possession or a relationship for that matter has no comparison to the feeling of permanent joy no matter what happens externally.

“…no one really is by a long shot, immune to external influences

where money is the main concern, although often denied as such.”

I had shifted my feelings and I placed money in a secondary level and had concentrated in enjoying my work, doing the best I could for myself and others. But in my awareness and desire of living simply in the present, I am not, no one really is by a long shot, immune to external influences where money is the main concern, although often denied as such. As you well know, our times are about money, mostly about not having enough, things are more expensive, and people are earning less or not earning at all. I work in an environment where all is about money to provide services, budget cuts, cancelation of programs, etc. In addition, we are so aware of the national debt, yet as a nation we still offering to help others disbursing billions of dollars that increases the national debt. In many ways the worldly financial situation is pretty messy. I had been affected and this was the root of my contradiction, which has been resolved. I am back on track!!!! I know individually through living simply we can rise above any worldly financial difficulties.

“Abundance is being grateful for all the physical, mental and emotional energies

that flow through our life experience.”

When I read that “abundance is being grateful for all the physical, mental and emotional energies that flow through our life experience,” I was truly blown away, it made so much sense. The flow of energy is essential to our human experience and our connection to our true nature, to that higher power each of us choose individually. Yet, knowing this deeply in my heart, at times I will doubt it; although more often than not I return to that energy flow that allows me to experience joy. Materialistically speaking, if one has lots of material possessions, one can be happy temporarily, but in reality without the universal life force energy flowing, it does not matter, there will never be any joy, there will always be the need for more. As I continued reading Brown’s book, even though I stay healthy, when I read that “health pertains to attending to the wellbeing of every aspect of our physical, mental, and emotional experience,” again, it made so much sense. Even though is denied out there, the normative underlining of abundance and health to create happiness is about money and/or appearance. It is not realized that, Brown explains, “happiness requires that “this” happens and that “that” does not happen, while money is just cash, and appearance is only skin deep.” 

“…abundance, health and joy are not about happiness, money or appearances…”

Universally, abundance, health and joy are not about happiness, money or appearances, “instead, it is the means to prepare the garden of our life experience to plant, nurture, and bear the inherent fruits of the present moment awareness.” I have reinforced my desire to living simply, understanding that abundance, health and joy are inherent of the universal life force flowing within our being. There is no need for measurements, outcomes, or assessing results. If we accept one, we are accepting all. This is so true, unconditional joy brings abundance and health. Health brings abundance and joy. Abundance brings health and joy. Allowing ourselves to be present in the moment aware and accepting and being grateful of our physical, mental, and emotional energies we are joining the universal abundance, health and joy.

“Living simply is inclusive of cultivating our physical, mental and emotional energies,

enfolded in our spiritual existence.”

Living simply is inclusive of cultivating our physical, mental and emotional energies, enfolded in our spiritual existence. Abundance, health and joy is not an outcome, it is our nature, acceptance of it all. All is part of our human experience and what we need is provided because the joy of cultivating our body, mind and spirit enters the flow of the universe, there is no separation or denial. We accept within our joy that our garden will flourish and decompose, but the source of these beginnings and endings will always be there. Our joy includes knowing that we are part of these beginnings and endings as well as part of the universal source. Being grateful we are able to cultivate our body, the ability to take care of it is joyful; we exercise and eat well without struggle or depravation. The energy life force flowing within guide us to stay tune with our bodies and mind; we create our health and the joy in doing so. We cultivate mental and emotional balance. It comes natural when the energies that we are flow within us freely.

“You can travel through your human experience awake,

making healthy decisions that support

your spiritual growth.”

Our thoughts are inspired by our inner presence. The mind and the body become tools to feel the joy that we are. Living simply becomes natural. Enjoying our daily life turns into a habit, there is no measurements required. We accept what is as it is, we respond and apply our best. We stay aware in the present at all times to be consciously part of the universe in all its dimensions. If we forget, it is okay, we will return to it. The abundance, health and joy of living simply dissolve the need for stress, judgment, complaining, reacting, worrying, and fear. You can travel through your human experience awake, making healthy decisions that support your spiritual growth.


The masculine energy represents one element of the equation for humans. This concept has been around since the beginning of times and misinterpreted as well since the beginning of times. This energy has been attached to the male human exclusively, even in modern times where we understand that this energy is part of an inherent duality of opposites in which humanity unfolds; still there is a tendency to attach the male energy exclusively to men. The male energy denotes generally physical strength, psychological and emotional stability, mental expansion of intelligence, and logical spirituality.  In the duality of our humanity, what is the opposite? Well, also well known since the beginning of times and misinterpreted as well, there is the feminine energy.

In the polarity of the physical dimension, feminine energy is the opposite of masculine energy. What is the opposite of strength, weakness? What about psychological and emotional stability, unpredictable? What of logical spirituality, fictional? The feminine energy has been attached exclusively to women. In this line of thinking males are aggressive and females passive, although we know this is not true, in our collective subconscious to some extent we still carry the myth of the exclusiveness of the masculine energy for men and feminine energy for women. It has evolved tremendously, but men, each of you out there can continue to expand your own mind and contribute to the minimization of the masculine VS feminine energy myth. What if you discover, that whether you are a man or a woman, aggressive and passive makes no sense, what if you balance out both extreme energies or sentiments, and you can be an assertive male and an assertive female. What do you say men?

In the last thirty years women have been expanding and realizing their masculine power and creating a balance with their femininity, for lot men this has been threatening but others have adapted because without knowing they are more in touch with their femininity, although they do not dare call it that. On the other hand if you are reading this article you might have an idea already of what I am referring to.  Although the myth of men being strong and women weak, men being left brain and women right brain, women being sensitive and men impervious, which all of it is completely wrong, has shifted to a more balanced realization that a human can be strong and sensitive, whether a man or woman should only matter biologically, but we are not totally there. Let’s be happy about the progress and continue working on it.

This exclusiveness of masculinity being attached to man and femininity to woman causes difficulties in intimate relations for the communication is incomplete to say the least, the masculine energy in their aggressiveness feels sexual appetite as a desire to conquer, have it, and discard it, on the other hand the feminine energy through passiveness feels romance and instead of sexual appetite there is the need for closeness and the desire to nurture and to stay with it. Isn’t this one of the eternal issues of couples, men want ten minutes of sex, women want  one hour of foreplay and then the sexual ten minutes. What do you think? It has been reported and implied that for the most part intimate love for men is about sex, and for women about romance. In their interaction as couples, the unsatisfied women is always complaining and the men always annoyed at the requests, not just sexual but having time together, talking, watching sports too much, not liking going shopping, not giving compliments, etc. There is a lot issues where women always asking and complaining. If men would open up and discover their feminine energy without fear, it will benefit them and definitely their relationship with women. Men would be able to make love instead of sexual relief.

The following are steps men can take to enhance their sexual life into love making, and to create a healthier life style. A way of life in which a personal decision is made to create emotional balance within the dualistic energies, masculine and feminine that are part of human psychological and emotional make-up. The transformation begins with:


Men in their masculinity are missing the beauty of feeling unconditional love, but it is within them. Their sexual experience can be elevated to the heart to feel it. One way to do it is when you are physically aroused feel your arousal and concentrate what is it that is making you excited besides your partner’s physical appearance. Becoming aware of what the partners personality and demeanor will take you beyond the physical and beyond romance. So men, I assure you that your partner will appreciate the love making but will not be confused that you want to get married. Physicality and romance are empty sensations that do not last, they are illusions that we create and we call it falling in love, which is conditional and in many cases become an addiction. Relationships that last or are meaningful go beyond the body and romantic love; the awareness of oneself and the other and how you are connected is what creates the bond. You can develop awareness by:

  • Talk to your partner about her sensitivity, not the romance, but how she feels you, foreplay is the art of feeling yourself feeling the other person, the awareness you have reflected on your partner.
  • When you feel good feel what you are experiencing beyond your body, sense how you breathe better and how much lighter you feel. Being sensitive is being human, men are sensitive but they tend to hide it.
  • Take up yoga, meditation, or anything that can take you beyond your body, exercise also takes you beyond your body but you need to develop the habit of feeling it.

If you want to continue having only sex, more likely for younger men, well that is fine, just know that after you are done your female partners always going to annoy you because you are not taking the time to go beyond the body, even worse if you are pretending to be romantic. In some instances, though seldom, you will find a female that is as physical as you are, it could be that she is just pretending, just like you will be pretending to be romantic.


If by reading this article, you decide to try it or you felt it in the past and want to do it more frequently, accepting your level of sexuality truly helps. Some men do not realize that they are not making love, all they know is sex or going along with the romance to get more sex. Accept your sexuality by thinking and admitting to yourself how you operate toward sex, check the following:

  • When having sex you concentrate on the orgasm.
  • Once you are done, you feel like when you are done eating something you like: I am done, remove this plate.
  • Instead of removing the plate you fake sweetness and attention, but feel the opposite, you are already working on next orgasm or not, it could be a one timer.
  • You share your sexual experience with male friends as you have had sex with an object not a person.
  • You often need to be under the influence of substances to intensify your sexual experience and once you had an orgasm you are done, but soon are looking for another one.

I think you get the idea. Now, whatever you do is neither right nor wrong, but there are consequences or benefits. Many men that experience love making give up plain sex because they go beyond the body and all the consequences that plain sex entails. Since we are a sexual society, this approach for men to transform sex into making love has nothing to do with marriage. It has to do with you being human and using all the tools that you have, including unconditional love, which is the expression of balancing out both energies, masculine and feminine. When we are having just sex, we are closer to our animal nature, but we are not as animals, and that is why at times we have major consequences. If we add a touch of unconditional love, which is to say awareness, intimacy, sensitivity, and connection beyond the body, we are being who we really are.

Willingness and Recognition

Once you go through your awareness and acceptance of your sexual behavior you can discover your willingness to shift to a more spiritual sexuality or not, but the key to it is to recognize it. Awareness connects you with yourself, so you will not blame others or feel hurt when you are faced with consequences that you have no clue what they come from. For instance, your father could have transmitted to you that conquering virgins and leaving them after the goal was accomplished makes you a macho man, one day you might find yourself alone and not able to find virgins any longer, if this is all you know you will be miserable. If you develop awareness, you would understand why you are alone and after twenty years of conquering virgins you can’t find them anymore, you can analyze your willingness to change after you accept it. You will have to recognize what you need to change. You can start by doing the following;

  • Analyze your consequences
  • Be willing to make a decision
  • Recognize what you have to change
  • Be honest with yourself, there is no one to blame


Once your decision is in place and you are determined to find the difference between having sex and making love, you need to practice, make a point for your next sexual encounter to be about feelings of love, reflected into physicality. Even if you, eventually make some type of commitment based on your feelings of love reflected into sexuality, know that is about passion not lust, there will be no falling, no ups and downs simply the feeling of sharing your awareness and your love. To be present and active you need to:

  • Be alert and aware of your feelings beyond your body and her feelings, create and make love in the moment; then whatever happens you can feel great about it.
  • Be accepting of the joy and have no expectations, having expectations are a sure way of being disappointed.
  • Be grateful of the encounter and be both, your masculine and feminine energy, this will enable you to be yourself.
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