In practicing transformational awareness, working with this certain adolescent, I have witnessed the unfolding wonderment taking place within his inner-self when he is guided to be who he is instead of being dictated who he is supposed to be. The social conditioning expectations of the norm are replaced with the respect, discipline and structure needed for a humans to explore and experience their unique humanity from birth, childhood, adolescence and until the young human is let go with a sense of independence and interdependence. The summarized reference shared below of an interaction with the adolescent undergoing this process was directed to the parents, not to the young man.
The work has been going on for about eighteen months after he asked for help, feeling he had become addicted to playing video games, it seems a long time but compared to many years of emotional upheavals and traumatic ups and downs, the time frame of the awareness work becomes irrelevant, the idea is for the process to become an ongoing permanent way of life. What is highly relevant, the changes in the adolescent’s demeanor, attitude and satisfaction to be learning about his humanity from within, from his own awareness; the interaction’s reference as follows:
“Even though he is maintaining a balance within all his young life requires and demands, there is the concern about the extent of time he spends playing video games. This concern is valid not just from a parental perspective but in general. The young man has basic innate principles that have become more salient when he was allowed to be himself and guided based on his temperament, character and personality. The time he spends playing video games or specifically a video game about zombies is a reflection of what he likes to do. He is not quite aware of his principles but when allowed they run his life and these principles are reflected on what he does, including, playing video games. From his perspective the video game he has chosen expands his cognitive ability beyond the limitations of his current environment and possibilities.
These principles are just beginning to flourish; it does not mean typical challenges will disappear, but for the most part his challenges would be part of his innate philosophy of life and not a waste of energy about mundane issues. When the innate principles and philosophy of life are allowed at such young age with emotional and psychological guidance based on self-awareness, the mundane becomes secondary and do not develop into problems or issues. He needs to continue developing his sense of awareness to center his inner-self and live his own philosophy of life maintaining equilibrium. This process is very new to him. Through this game about Zombies he expands his feelings, sensations and thoughts to have a purpose, even though he sees that the ultimate outcome is to kill zombies, he recognizes the purpose can be different. This will reflect in his adulthood where he will develop a more sane and effective purpose that has nothing to do with killing zombies.
He abides by the rules and based on the rules creates different strategies to enhance his options within the game, acknowledges, this is sort of hacking but it is also creativity, isn’t it? He feels responsibility to do his best, his highest effort is ignited without external pressure; just his inner desire, in the meantime he is experiencing feelings of intellectual and emotional satisfaction of accomplishment. His dedication can be timeless, while he is strategizing and structuring different performances and outcomes, hours go by. His attention is pulled away by the mundane, having breakfast, lunch, dinner and socializing here and there. He provided examples of his face to face socialization but he is also highly sociable in contemporary ways, such as on line. As mentioned before he is playing with international partners as part of a team, he is very proud of his ability to interact – through this game that requires a highly analytical and creative mind as well as maturity to do well – with all ages and nationalities, from 14 to 26 from all over the world.
Through this game that is highly complex, he conveys dedication and perseverance, this influences the time frame involved but at the same time he loves the freedom he has to do it. The desire to have successful outcomes and competing is there as well. He also has the advantage of cultivating team work. Combining these principles with the normative tendency of what success and competition are about, he just might feel a success within his own self, enhancing his self-esteem, the actual outcome within the norm would be secondary. His sense of inner satisfaction would prevail regardless of the external results, he would even learn from what society would categorize as failure or losing if that is the case. This will be determined by the degree in which he maintains and continues developing his awareness.
As all humans he has negatives and positives, in the past due to an unbalanced upbringing he reflected negative and reactive behaviors. In addition the pressures from the expectations for him to be a normative masculine go-getter adolescent made his inner turmoil and emotions more reactive. His internal unhappiness was high, his good nature and essence were threaten by external expectations that even though he forced himself to satisfy and in some instances did very well, he needed activities he enjoyed to escape what he had to do to satisfy the external expectations. His life was nothing but ups and downs and through this process he became addicted to his escape and in many instances not the act of suicide but the idea was entertained in his pressured mind.
His current situation is fairly new, he is not escaping, he loves what he is doing, feels happy about his life and most definitely he needs support and guidance, which you as parents are doing your best to provide. You must take in consideration that being spoiled in the past will manifest in some degree through his behavior, such as procrastination, some manipulative tendencies and so on and so forth but his awareness will continue to minimize these imbalances that were the norm not too long ago. You are interacting extremely well with him. I must remind you the best way to eliminate any comments that will appear as “cuts” or “put downs,” even if they are based on facts, ASK…DO YOUR BEST NOT TO PROCLAIM, so your individual and parental ego feels in charge…this is an unconscious residual…let go of your ego for the sake of your son and ASK.
For instance, in the past he has procrastinated completing school work on line, if he chooses to do an assignment on line, ideally, you will not say, “well, with your past history…” this is a cut that is feeding precisely what you would like for him to change, but the underlining of this, is a negative, bad habit of parents, isn’t it? If you ask: Do you think that it would work for you, how has working on line worked for you in the past? You see, the DIFFERENCE. By this question you are not stating, even though it is a fact, you are not reminding and feeding the bad habit, you are asking if he is been working on it, you are inviting him, motivating him to do better without being the lecturing, and “I got you” parent. If you remind him negatively of his past procrastination, what is the benefit for you as a parent, you win, and he loses? Explain this to yourself.
On a very important aspect, to this date, the negative upbringing, being spoiled and pressured into being what he was supposed to be based on your own conditioning of the past, has not motivate him to do drugs, or to become a sexual predator; however, he masturbates and watches porn, not under direct supervision but he does not hide it either. He has the awareness of the risks involved with porn, more likely he will manage it when adult as his nature is not to watch porn. Overall, he is a very well-mannered young man, intelligent, great left brain and through awareness is learning to combine it with his right brain. This is an ideal balance.
Think of a tennis pro, a swimmer that competes at the Olympics, think of anyone that really enjoys the work they do, I could say think of yourself, hello, don’t you like your work, haven’t you been categorized as a workaholic in the past? When one likes an activity and is allowed to do it, well, it tends to become the main motivator in one’s life. Eventually, through his awareness he will be able to integrate his passion with other responsibilities to build a foundation to continue throughout his life to do what he likes to do. Computers and video games will be his life work. Isn’t that the ultimate dream to make a living doing exactly what you like to do instead of having a job?
He is willing to continue working in his awareness and analyzing what is working and what needs work. There is the bit coin and now the pyramid investment, mundane challenges that will attempt to interfere with his own path, but it is part of his human experience. He is being influenced by the normative symbol of correlating money with success. These interruptions are pure norm, he wants to make money, didn’t we all at one time or another. Now, we know money is just a tool within the abundance the universe provides for all of us if we wake the hell up. He had become rebellious because as parents, unfortunately this is the social disgrace in the norm; he was forced to be what he was not. He was treated like he was not there, beginning with the gender issues. The instance you understood he needed guidance and support, not social patterns imprisonment, he stopped the rebellious behavior.”
The blessing in this educational process is that the father have been doing awareness work for about four years, and the mother although had strong resistance to the work, she has joined her family and is part of the evolvement, as is the daughter. Each of the family members have their own understanding but to some extent correlates with the idea that we are all perfect eternal beings, we are learning precisely this fact through the awareness of our human experience; our equilibrium depends on the connection with this perfection, to create this centering we have free will to raise above the human imperfections, own them and balance them out. “Our spiritual perfection is to be aware of our human imperfections,” how about that?
All suffering, struggles, imbalances, pains, traumas, dramas are choices from the limited mind we make within our unconsciousness and the gap we create between negative and positive, when we do not have the awareness of the duality in which we experience humanity, we miss our purpose to acknowledge our true essence. By developing a sense of awareness, we are able to create a balance within the duality moment by moment. Through awareness we discover that we are not our mind or thoughts, we are the awareness that we think; therefore, we decide what we think, feel, how we respond and behave.
If we convey this concept to children by example and through guidance and support of what they brought to this world innately, children will learn acceptance and respect for themselves and others. The traumas and absurd ups and downs will cease, just challenges inherent to humanity would remain. The nonsense of appearances and social boxes would be dismissed. Adolescence would be challenging but a time to explore and experience what is needed from within and without oneself.